Homeward Bound

I really hated having to pack today. Usually after being away this long I am more than ready to go home. But even after almost 3 weeks in Bali I felt I could have stayed at least another month. It is a special place indeed.
I will miss the crazy vehicles with their incredibly strange cargo, the chickens which everyone seems to have, the amazingly fragrant flowers that drop from the trees when you need one for your hair, the temples every few blocks, the offerings and incense at the doorways of the houses, businesses and banks, the endless miles of stores and shops, the sky filled with kites that fly for hours, the carts of strange looking food at every corner, and of course most of all the people. The incredibly generous and loving people.
I will not miss the roosters which comment loudly throughout the day, and the trash-that ever present sea of plastic that clogs the streets, waters and even the beautiful rice fields of this magical place.
I will be forever grateful for this trip which has eased my turbulent mind and helped heal my heart. I feel happy, grateful and lighter than I have in years.
I will definitely be back.

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Meanwhile, back in Ubud

Went to the Puri Lukisang museum yesterday which houses an incredible collection of Balinese art. The building is also stunning and the gardens were gorgeous.
Wandered around the shops for a bit and had delicious raw natural smoothies and ice cream at Soma cafe. All organic raw and delicious.
My friend Aine joined us and introduced us to Johnny the owner, a lovely Balinese man- are there any other kind?
We were chatting about different things and I happened to mention that my wrist was still hurting from the bike fall 2 weeks ago and he got a book out and showed me an article on this healer here and said I should go see him.
The other gals went to do some shopping and I jumped on the back of Johnny’s bike and he took me to the healer. He told me on the way that this guy could fix anything in the body-broken bones etc and that his gift had been handed down through generations in his family.
This lovely man saw me right away. He dabbed some goo on my wrist – a couple of different kinds-and started working his magic. There was some pain involved but not as bad as I was expecting. After about 15 minutes or so, he had fixed it! It felt like he had put things back where they were supposed to go. He said if I have any pain to come back in 5 days.
Today it is a little sore- which is not surprising since he was rubbing the hell out of my wrist but I really think its fixed! I am again blown away by these healers here.
Aine and I had a fabulous dinner at Riyoshi – a beautiful Japanese restaurant.
Had a funny dream that Oprah was in. I should explain that for decades my dreams always include celebrity guest stars. It’s quite entertaining. I stopped dreaming for the last couple of years but they are certainly back with a vengeance now. I had Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone in my dream a few nights ago. Wish I had the time to describe all my dreams, but that would be another blog!
But I had an incredible dream this morning. I felt a tremendous energy coming from above me. It took hold of me, slamming into my body and my head like being sucked into a vortex. I levitated off my bed and I started spinning around about 2 feet above my bed and then started flying around the room. This lasted for what seemed to be about 10 minutes. It felt real and not like I was dreaming and was in this exact room I am staying in.
When I came too I was in a Nepalese village in a high walled fortress that looked down onto a village far below. Ken was there with another man. They were picking out a knit hat for me to wear. A maroon one with ear flaps that was locally made.
I realized that they had drugged me- that was my flying around my room-and I had been kidnapped!
I saw a woman security guard ushering some children down a hallway and I tried to cry out to her that I had been kidnapped. ken and the man looked at each other but they didn’t try to stop me.
I got next to her and said I had been kidnapped and to please help me.
She did not look at me and was ignoring me while she was locking a door or a locker. The kids might have gone through that door.
I kept pleading with her to please help me, that I had been kidnapped and she finally looked at me with love and compassion and said there was nothing she could do for me. The dream ended.
Wild!! It’s never a dull moment here whether I’m awake or asleep!!

Melukats and Dreams

Made performed another Melukat at the hotel on the ocean that was even more beautiful than the first one because of the gorgeous setting in the gardens.
And later we did another completely different kind of ceremony where he went into a trance, became a naga, and “attacked” whatever we were holding in our bodies and he “ate” it out of us.
This was a rather freaky experience and I was glad that I wasn’t the first one he jumped on. It didn’t hurt or anything but was strange to have a snarling little holy man jump on top of you and “eat” out your demons!
He said afterwards that he hoped my sadness was leaving me. I did feel better and I hoped the same thing too.
Now the dream…
On our last day at the ocean I had a massage by a wonderful masseuse named Tonno. During the entire massage, I could not stop thinking about my soon to be ex husband. In fact the entire time I have been here in Bali, I have been thinking about him. I want/need to stop thinking about him and this is why I am here, to move on from him and on with my life, but during the massage I just couldn’t stop thinking about him and the loss, regret, remorse, shame, sadness-you name it. All the mistakes I made, all the deeds and behaviors I regretted. Like an endless loop in my head. I felt like I was going crazy.
After Tonno left, I broke down and sobbed for about 20 minutes. I prayed to God to please help me stop thinking these thoughts, to stop obsessing, to help me move on.
That night I had a dream.
It started with this couple who used to own a local restaurant in Topanga had bought it back again and the whole community was really happy about it.
And then in the next part, My ex and I were together and we were deliriously happy and in love and it was like when we were first together, but even better. We were like little kids, joyous, playful, loving. I haven’t felt this kind of joy in over a decade. Ecstasy is the word that best fits.
A few other random things happened but at the end of the dream, he is holding my face in his hands, he is high above me, his eyes are closed and I am receiving incredible love from him.
When I woke up I was deliriously happy.
It felt like I connected to him on a soul level. One of the leaders here interprets dreams and she says it isn’t him but is the divine and that is the connection that I am seeking/experiencing.
Whatever it is, it definitely shifted something and my anxiety level lessened the next day.
I realize too that the massage was physically bringing things up-all part of the healing.
We are at a beautiful place in the country now and had another healer/channeler give us a reading. She channels Durga (google it!) and when it was my turn, she went into her trance and then started sobbing. She kept saying, “Sad! Sad! Sad!” and pounding her heart.
She asked if I was getting a divorce. She cried and held me and I cried too. She said I needed inner strength and she pounded my chest, trying to give me this inner strength. She said to not be afraid to get help from my friends and family, that I am not alone.
She said the thoughts in my head are like an endless loop (!!!) and I am thinking them because I am freer here to think of them and I don’t have the distractions that I do at home.
I was blown away by how accurate she was. Not only for me but all of us.
This was a couple of days ago and I actually feel much stronger now. The thoughts have greatly subsided and I am not anxious anymore. I feel completely different than I did last week. Amazing!!
I have had dreams every night here and they are wild with many scenes and scenarios and they go on and on. What a trip!! Wish I had time to describe them. They are epic!
Had a final Melukat today with Made and -again -it was beautiful. I feel transformed, enlightened, happy.
This trip was called “A return to essence”- Ken is thinking of changing the name to “You will get wet”!

“You look different!”

I have heard this from several people today. They look at me and they stop and they stare and they cannot stop looking at me and saying how completely different I look.
It’s true. I do look different. I feel different. I am different.
I am becoming myself again. I am shedding the energies that no longer serve me. It is absolutely fantastic!! I haven’t felt this alive in years.
Today my friend Aine and I had breakfast at Clear Cafe then met 2 friends of hers at Bridges. Christine is a clothing designer among other things and Heather is a hairdresser. Loved these women!
Then met my group and we had lunch at Tatmuk. Really good Gado Gado -a traditional Indonesian dish with veggies, tofu and peanut sauce.
Our afternoon was spent visiting a lovely high priestess/healer named Resi who blessed us with yet another Melukat water ceremony, followed by a beautiful meditation.
On to the sacred cave of Goa Gadjah, the cave that seats Siva and Ganesh which dates back to the 11th century. We made offerings to the 3 lingams and let go of the energies that no longer serve us, then made offerings to Ganesha, the remover of obstacles and bringer of new energies. We completed this ceremony by walking down the steps to where the Godesses spout holy water from chalices held at their heart chakras and blessed ourselves with the holy water there. This site had apparently been buried by earthquakes for decades and was only unearthed around 1954 Ken thought. It was a beautiful place and a huge tree soared above us all.
An amazing thing happened here. One of us started singing while she sat at the bottom of the steps near the pool and it was beautiful hearing this sound echoing off the stone walls. After a few minutes she started crying. I mean really gut wrenching sobbing. After a few minutes, one of the keepers of this temple came down to her. I, and others, thought he was going to kick us all out -which I think they surely would have done in America-because it was so late. But instead he held out his hands for her and took her into the pool of water and they waded over to one of the goddesses spouting water. She was anointed with this water and after a few minutes her sobs turned into laughter-joyous, grateful laughter. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed. He brought her back to the steps and thanked us all for being there and told us he hoped we would come back again. I am continually blown away by the love and generosity of the Balinese.
Later I went out with Aine and Christina for a bite to eat, a martini and then to Ozibar, a dance bar which is apparently owned by the Japanese mafia. There was a great band playing and I wound up singing a few songs with them and dancing our butts off. Too much fun.
Can’t wait for tomorrow!